Dear Reader, Marriage used to be about combining two families' assets. Romantic love as a cultural concept and reason for marriage has only been around for less than 300 years. Still, while you may be committing to one another's hearts and souls, your wallets (and legacies) are also involved. To be very clear, I am not a financial planner, and you are responsible for how you spend your money. But let's look at how your Personality Type patterns may predispose you to handling it. Here is something I heard at a business conference a few years ago: your ideas about money have been created in your minds before you were 10 years old. Like most other things, you learn to think about money from your parents, and now is a good time to revisit those ideas and add your own adult perspective. Which of these "money types" best describes you?Avoider / dreamer
If this is you, part of your learning process is understanding that numbers are just information, not a judgment on who you are or where you’re going. You probably learned this in your family, so as a kid it made sense and served a purpose. But now you’re grown up with responsibilities. Think of a thermometer. It shows a number and that’s information. You take a baby’s temperature, and if it's low, you’re fine. If it's high, you would take the appropriate action, like give them a cold cloth, or take them to the doctor. You wouldn’t yell at the baby or think they’re a bad person for running a fever. Likewise, looking at your bank account right now gives you information about decisions you made and how you got here, it doesn’t predict your future. Look at the information, and do something about it if need be. ACTION – if this is causing issues in your relationship, ask for help, pour yourself a cup of tea (or a martini), and prepare to get uncomfortable. You have to know your numbers, get up close, use a system or a report to enhance clarity, and have money dates with yourself and/or with your partner. Look at your numbers once a week or once a month so you don’t feel like you get behind, and then reward yourself with a nice bath. Or nap. Rewards don't have to cost money. Saver / Protector
If this is you, part of your learning or awareness process might be to think about whose approval you are looking for.
Again, this is probably something you learned as a kid, so we’re just double-checking this is still aligned with your adult wants and needs. ACTION – if this is causing issues in your relationship, practice getting comfortable spending money. Start a “FUN” account, where the goal is to put money in it every month. Your job is to spend that money within 30 days. On yourself. Build the muscle of knowing that it’s ok to spend money, and still be a good person. Spender / Giver
If this is you, part of your learning process might be sorting out the mixed messages your head and heart are sending you.
Again, we’re just looking at is this what you learned as a kid, and does it still make sense and make you happy now. ACTION – if this is causing issues in your relationship, get a money advisor and start making a budget. Acknowledge that you make decisions about spending from an emotional place. If your heart and mind are giving you mixed messages, an independent advisor can help you better understand money-spending decisions. Make sure they’re objective and have no personal agenda, i.e. not your partner. Is there over-spending in one particular category? E.g. clothes, rent, food… make a budget for that area. You’ll feel more empowered and in control. Martyr / Nurturer
If this is you, part of your learning process might be to heal any wounds around 'deserving, so you can enjoy receiving. Step into the value that you’re creating, the value that you’re adding to your relationships, to your job, and think “if my best friend described this to me, what would I say to them?" ACTION – if this is causing issues in your relationship, practice positive expansive growth money voices. Practice negotiating your salary. Dive into your sense of worth and what you bring you the table. And think about how much more you can give or how much more good you can do, when you have more money available to you. How Personality Types are likely to use MoneyWhen it comes to money and purchasing decisions, desire usually drives behavior. So the Essential Motivators hold some clues. They don’t all neatly align, because your money type is also heavily influenced by your upbringing like we said, but Ray Linder is an MBTI colleague who’s done some research. Here’s what he found: As a reminder, if you've taken my free quiz, SJ is the Stabilizer, SP is the Improviser, NF is the Catalyst, and NT is the Theorist. Money and sex are the two biggest issues in relationship counseling. Because our attitudes to those two things were pretty much laid down during our childhood, we tend to attach strong emotional and value judgments with them, which can easily trigger conflicts. If things get heated around money, remember each behavior serves a purpose. Get curious to understand it, then try the ACTION tips to bridge any differences. If you'd like to talk about how this shows up in your relationships, I'm here to help. Cheers, Hey!
If you've been thinking about working with me, this is your sign!
Book a free 🧐curiosity convo, let me know what you've got going on in your life, and we'll take it from there.
I recently started learning 🔮Tarot and would love to do more practice readings. If you're open to exploring spirit, woo, your subconscious, book a reading here.
|
Subscribe for personality-based tools and insights to help you create fulfilling relationships. Healthier, Happier Relationships Start Here!
Dear Reader, It's getting colder up here in the Northern hemisphere, and there's just something about hot teas and cozy sweaters that makes me want to curl up with a cheesy novel or watch rom coms. However, the more I work with actual clients in actual relationships, and the more I learn about intimacy and relational dynamics, the less I can enjoy these books and movies. Not going to yuck your yum, there's no shame in consuming romance as a not-so-guilty pleasure! But can we talk about how...
Dear Reader, In June, I facilitated an MBTI(r) workshop with a team of 19 participants. When it came to reviewing their reports, one participant explained why their results were absolutely off: they have ADHD and answering the forced-choice questionnaire with the wording “would you rather…” was confusing: they would rather do one thing, but their brain won’t let them. When it comes to identifying the motivations for your behavior, how do you know what is Type, and what is neurodiversity? We...
Dear Reader, After 17 years in the United States, Modesto and I will be moving back to Spain in November. It was always an eventuality, yet the reality of it is beginning to sink in - in a big way. Going through boxes of accumulated memories to figure out what to keep and what to donate is an emotional experience every time. Although given my background, you’d think I’d be a pro at it by now. Born and raised in Germany, I have been an expat (i.e., not lived in Germany) since 1997. It started...