Dear Reader, In June, I facilitated an MBTI(r) workshop with a team of 19 participants. When it came to reviewing their reports, one participant explained why their results were absolutely off: they have ADHD and answering the forced-choice questionnaire with the wording “would you rather…” was confusing: they would rather do one thing, but their brain won’t let them. When it comes to identifying the motivations for your behavior, how do you know what is Type, and what is neurodiversity? We...
27 days ago • 4 min read
Dear Reader, After 17 years in the United States, Modesto and I will be moving back to Spain in November. It was always an eventuality, yet the reality of it is beginning to sink in - in a big way. Going through boxes of accumulated memories to figure out what to keep and what to donate is an emotional experience every time. Although given my background, you’d think I’d be a pro at it by now. Born and raised in Germany, I have been an expat (i.e., not lived in Germany) since 1997. It started...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, I came across a great wee reel the other day where someone said something along the lines of, "when you decide to change, you're basically killing off the person your friends and family already love, so no wonder they're having reactions to it." This reminded me of a post I wrote on change a while back (August 2021), and to steal a turn of phrase from my friend Caroline, "Whether this is your first read or it's more familiar (thank you), I hope you'll enjoy it." -- Over the last...
2 months ago • 5 min read
Dear Reader, sometimes, we don't know where our boundaries are until we - or someone we love - have crossed them. So let's talk about the concept of edges and see how you might become more familiar with, and maybe even safely expand, your comfort zone. What is an edge? Generally speaking, an edge refers to a geographical location that describes the outer or inner bounds of a defined parameter. There is also a sexual technique called "edging", where you might (alone or with a partner) try to...
3 months ago • 4 min read
Dear Reader, Before we get to this week's post, I'd like to share a couple of upcoming events you might be interested in: On August 8th, 2024 I'll be offering a Tarot for Self-Discovery online workshop, hosted by Luminary. More info here. On October 20th, 2024 I'll be offering a live workshop on Relationships & Boundaries, hosted by Curious Jane. It's part of a six-month series which kicks off July 21st with a workshop on Feng Shui. More info here. A few weeks ago, someone emailed me to ask...
3 months ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, Marriage used to be about combining two families' assets. Romantic love as a cultural concept and reason for marriage has only been around for less than 300 years. Still, while you may be committing to one another's hearts and souls, your wallets (and legacies) are also involved. To be very clear, I am not a financial planner, and you are responsible for how you spend your money. But let's look at how your Personality Type patterns may predispose you to handling it. Here is...
4 months ago • 5 min read
Dear Reader, First things first: Respecting your partner as an individual, a whole living system with their own patterns and processes, means there will be conflict. Expect it. Expect misalignments. Then prepare for them. Not every conflict has to be an all-out fight. Sometimes when expectations clash, or two people have opposing interests and goals, the task is to move out of defensiveness, and into curiosity. Use these tools and questions to help you identify conflicting values or motives...
4 months ago • 4 min read
"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." James Baldwin Dear Reader, Self- and other-perception is a tricky but interesting thing. You only ever know yourself from the inside, but not how others experience you. We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions because we know them intimately. Yet when we judge someone else, it's by their actions and how those made us feel - disregarding that their intentions may have been different. The most...
5 months ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, Emily Nagoski is a prominent sex educator and author of "Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life." Some of her key points are: The Dual Control Model: Sexual response is influenced by two systems: the sexual accelerator and the sexual brakes. The accelerator is sensitive to sexual cues and triggers arousal, while the brakes respond to potential threats or distractions, inhibiting arousal. Individuals vary in how sensitive their accelerator...
5 months ago • 5 min read